How to Make Important Decisions

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” – Philip K. Dick

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Momma used to say that actions have consequences. She’d say, “Adri, for every action in this world, there is an equal and opposite REaction!”

Some days now, I admit I have more than my fair share of doubts about that. But I have on my lab coat, and I have this here note pad. And tonight, I’m gonna find out if it’s so.  

If I drop this glass…

If I start a fire…

If I shoot this gun…

What happens?

If I press down HERE… does it go up THERE?

And where the hell’d those ripples start?

I was sitting at a stop light, and it was raining, and every light was blinking red all the way down so far as the eye could see. And I asked myself, “How is it such a little bit of rain knocks out every fucking traffic light in a city of five million?”

But maybe the rain doesn’t cause the blinking lights at all. Maybe it’s the blinking lights causes it to rain.

Whatever the hell the “it” is that rains when “it” rains… Somebody really oughta ask “it”.

If I laugh in court…

                        If I touch this wire…

                                                If I stay in bed all week…

Will it matter?

And then – somehow or other – I end up out on my balcony in the chill night air, looking out from one tiny corner of my tiny world when I notice this huge chunk of flat grey concrete below me. Down there. Just sittin’ there. I call it a “driveway.” But what I’ve never noticed before now is just how smug the damn thing looks.

And it’s big and it’s flat and it’s hard enough that it seems unlikely to go away. To go away even if I stop believing in it. Even if I scrunch up my face and try real hard.

My momma told me actions have consequences, she did. So I drop a glass off of my balcony onto the driveway.

I drop a candleholder off of my balcony onto the driveway.

I drop a flower vase off of my balcony onto the driveway.

And they fall and they break but it doesn’t matter. And if the consequences of actions don’t matter then the actions do not matter. Zero plus zero equals zero.

If I drop this jar…

If I toss this mirror…

If I drop this… this… radio? coffee mug?...

Who cares?

A friend of mine might be in trouble. A friend of mine is not around. A friend of mine went down Mexico way. Probably doing things he shouldn’t do.

Actions have consequences, Momma would say.

So I called up this guy I know. He’s a professional finder of persons. And I paid him his fee to find my friend – who is technically a person – but he didn’t. He couldn’t. They say finding persons can be hard down Mexico way.

And I am on my balcony in the chill night air and I’m looking down at this smug thing I call a driveway and now there’s broken shit all over it. I really should have gone with the coffee mug for that last toss.

But I’m here and I’m thinking and I make myself a deal with the Gods of Chance.

If I jump off here…

                                    If I land down there…

                                                            And if all of me’s unbroken…

I’ll go get him.

I will go down Mexico way and I will find the idiot for myself.

Actually, a sprained ankle might be enough to stop me. There’s some wiggle room in this arrangement. Loopholes could be found, if need be.

And I’m up here and the cement’s down there and it’s a long ways down. Plenty of room for the Gods of Chance to have their way with me.

Just think of me as a kind of giant flippin’ coin toss. Heads I lose. Tails I win?

I close my eyes and I count to three and…

If I t-… Whoa!

Hot damn, that was fast.

I’m here. I’m down here. I’m down here and the balcony is up there and I seem to be in one piece.

Wait... Hold on. When I take a step, it seems a little… No. No, I’m fine. Damn it. Mexico, here I come.

Unless… Ya think the Gods of Chance might accept best two out of three?